(cue, wide-eyed emoji)
I’ve started and stopped writing numerous posts about how it’s been living here since the move, in Texas…Grapevine to be exact. There is this incredible pride that has grown inside me, in such a short period of time. A pride in this place, we now call home. A pride in this neighborhood, called Countryside Estates. Yeah, the neighborhoods have charming names, as do the streets…almost all of them. Sometimes, it really is the little things. And when it’s the little things, I celebrate.
The title of this whole story should no longer be NY to TX, it should be NY to Grapevine.
(Now, don’t confuse this pride with the popular political views of this state. I am not one to push or speak on such a matter publicly, but let’s just say I was happy to be in NY on voting day. Oh well, I said it.)
Life has really accelerated for us here.
I’ve already been back to NY twice and I haven’t found the right time and way to write. There’s so much to say, and still some feelings that are too hard to even put into words. So, bear with me as I try my best to look back and share snippets from the past 5 months, a little at a time.
After the whirlwind of getting here, our son crying the entire plane ride, waiting a week to move into our house, agonizing over paint colors, sleeping a night in our house with no belongings, unpacking all those boxes (some still unpacked) et cetera, et cetera, we quite literally dove right into this new little world of ours. Moving has historically been stressful for us, along with everyone else. The actual act of packing things and moving them to another place is quite possibly, one of my least favorite things to do. Which, as I write that, seems so absurd because most moves usually mean that we are pretty fortunate. So, no one should be complaining. Anyway, this time, it was different. Because even through all the unpacking, and uncertainty of where to put this and where to hang that. Even through questioning how I’m going to make this place feel like ours and home. Even through missing my mom and my sister and my dad and my friends. Even through the headaches of home owning, i.e. nonworking dryer, water heater bursting, multiple leaks…
It was exhilarating.
It still is exhilarating.
And along with that, comes guilt. Guilt, for being so happy while being so far from the family. This is something, I will most likely, continue to battle.
I still hear Ben’s voice in my head when I had the jitters about moving, but so badly couldn’t wait to do it at the same time. He had said to me, “humans aren’t meant to stay in one place, we are nomads.” We both laughed knowing we aren’t the race we used to be and we aren’t cave people. But, there really is something to say about making the move, jumping off that cliff of fear and emotion, breaking the tie between your most loved ones and just flying off. The difference is, those guys traveled in packs with their people. I’d still want nothing more than my entire clan to have made the journey with us. If my whole family and all my friends moved here too…that would be like, the most perfect scenario.
Unfortunately that just isn’t possible. And in turn, it has forced me to truly put myself out there in search of a Texas tribe.
But that’s for next time.