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Declined

5/11/16 1:30pm

~Phone buzzes~

 

Me: “Hello?”

RE Agent: “You’re not going to believe this”

“The board declined your buyer.”

Me: “…”

 

It’s less than a week away from the date we have so patiently waited and prepared for. The movers are scheduled to come Monday. My friends even spoiled me with an amazingly touching farewell dinner. Going from such a high, this unexpected news knocks the wind out of me. I’m gasping for air! It’s going to be all right, this is happening for a reason. Something like this cannot happen unless it’s meant to. Except, there is a whole tower of reasons this shouldn’t be happening!

It’s ready to tip over. 

I have guests over, so it’s a bit difficult to react in the way I would like.

Screaming, to be exact.

There has to be something we can do. I hysterically dial Ben. We both agree. We have to appeal this. There must be a way. There had to be some sort of misunderstanding. My adrenaline is high with ideas of how it can be resolved. We make phone calls and send emails…

 

No legal obligation to explain why. The decision is final.

There is nothing further we can do.

Barf.

 

My immediate thoughts calm me. The house we so carefully chose and fought for, maybe just isn’t the right one. Yes, we spent energy and money. Ok, another weekend trip to view twenty houses in a day and a half. Sure, we went above listing to beat out six other bidders. Paint colors have been chosen, emotional daydreams have been dreamt. But, yeah, maybe it’s not the one. I need reasons, control, something.

It’s just, those showings.

This thought in itself is enough to take my calm and turn it upside down.

It’s now been five months of living in limbo, uncertain of dates, hanging on hope. Ben has been traveling back and forth every other week. I’m still nervous to leave but I’ve been able to digest and accept. I even feel excitement. I’m mostly ready for my husband to come home every night. I’m ready for him to not be gone every other week. A little travel here and there, some late nights at work. I can handle that.

This news is deflating.

Then it’s the realization that Ben soon will leave us for three full weeks that shakes me. We’ve braved this before, and it’s an unceasingly struggle for the two of us to be apart. However, doing it with a 19-month-old little boy is a whole new ball game. This is the biggest test I have been given in awhile.

From the day he leaves to the day he returns, there will be no shortage of dilemmas, discipline battles, explosive poops, tears and sweat.  We will even make a trip to the doctor due to onset vertigo that I begin experiencing.

 

I will however find, that this test is full of divine significance.

My brain will recall that these hiccups are peanuts compared to the world at large. I’ll grasp, that my breakdowns about my son throwing his food every single meal is laughable. When Ben is gone, it’ll be a reminder just how much he contributes to our happiness and mental peace. There is always a choice to perceive a situation in a positive light. Thankfully, strong individuals who have exemplified this practice, surround me. Bad things happen. Difficult times come. Most of us have been broken and left to pick up the pieces at some point. It can always be worst. And many have dealt with the worst. What keeps us going is the gratitude for what is good and great and wonderful.  Through this, I’ll become more grateful then ever to have a plethora of those things. So, feeling bad for myself at this juncture is indeed frivolous. 

 

When our little boy will ask so sadly and sweetly for his “Da da” I’ll recognize, deeply, how lucky I am to tell him that his Daddy will be coming home soon.  This, I learn at large to not take for granted. Through the angst and overwhelming events our journey continues to bring us, there will still be plenty of growth, hugs, kisses, laughs and love to keep us afloat.

 

When he finally returns, the vertigo disappears.

Hashtag, he’s my cure. 

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