Texas - Round I

This next part of the story has been like a dark cloud. Writing about an intense moment in one's life, is somewhat daunting. I don't feel like re-visiting it. But, if anyone has attended more than just a few therapy sessions, you realize there is a whole buttload of re-visiting. And it's not supposed to be easy. It's actually one of the hardest things to overcome. Facing ourselves. I'll re-visit that for another chapter... 




A friend of Ben's is picking us up from the airport. I've never met him, but I'm reassured that "he's the man." Sure enough, it's true. He is lending us his car for the day and night. The perfect gentleman in every which way.


Our first navigation input is Oak Cliff. My cousin, who lives there herself, has suggested we check it out. Through the jitters, I am excited to go there, it seems right up our alley. 

As we head back to the highway, once again, I feel as if I've already been in the car too long. I've been pretty motion sick lately. Plane ride, included. Something tells me it's more about what's happening in my head. 


The strip of restaurants is perfect. Trendy, hip and artsy. I'm smiling, despite my nausea.

We decide to pick a place right on the corner and we sit at the bar. I have a champagne and Ben has a beer. It's not even noon.


In defiance of my mental and physical state, I must say the food is phenomenal. And, on a normal day, I would have devoured it. I'm somehow able to swallow the last sip of my second glass. I'm never quite sure how that happens.


We decide to swing by two of the houses on our list. On the way there, we hit the outskirts of the area. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but there is a reason this neighborhood is coined "up and coming."  Although I was truly taken by the charm and character of the houses, we decide to put Oak Cliff on hold for now as a place for our family to live.


This is a big bummer for me. High hopes, already deflating.

The show must go on. 


We check into the hotel and quickly use the restroom. Our agent picks us up, out front.

Instead of a gorgeous warm night, it's a fairly chilly, cloudy afternoon. The lights aren't lit and the fountain isn't glowing. I was hoping for some warmth, blue skies and flip-flops. Fortunately, she is like a ray of sunshine. And, by happy chance, I'm sipping on the most unexpectedly delightful cup of hot chocolate. Stay positive, keep your chin up. I sit in the front, only to avoid car sickness. I'd rather withdraw to the back. I'm still floating, watching myself, battling my mood.


More highways.


Forgiving of the fact that we are covering a vast amount of land, I know that these multiple lane, concrete streets are necessary. However, they aren't giving me the warm fuzzy feeling I was wishing on.

All three of us view, what seems like, endless new homes. Brand spanking new homes. They are literally sparkling. I keep pinching myself. We can do this? This is like night and day, compared to what we looked at back home. It's fun, plus exhausting. By the last home, they all seem to look the same. By the last home, I still feel uneasy. 


The ride back to the hotel feels like an eternity. Ben and I have been up since the wee hours of the morning.

Besides, did I even really sleep? My stomach is churning, trying to digest where we are and what we've been doing. I'm beyond worry, that the night out we had envisioned, is not going to happen. The thought of food is unfavorable and I just feel like vomiting and then laying down. It's now 7:30pm and we have plans to meet Ben's potential new boss at 9:00pm for a drink.

Did I mention, we are an hour behind? That's my bedtime. 


Hashtag, help.

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