He's gone, and unreachable for an entire day. This, I'm somewhat prepared for. I know he's on an interview. Therefore, how or why would he even glance at his phone? I get a text stating that he's landed. I try my best to not smother with "good luck" messages or "I love you's." Honestly, I'm still confused about the whole thing in general. I also know that my husband doesn't need luck or any words of encouragement. He's magnificent at this.
The hours pass, I'm doing my best to go about my day as usual. However, I am feeling sick with nerves. My whole body never fails to indicate my anxiety. Perhaps one too many trips to the toilet is proving to me how big of a deal this actually may be. I manage to reach the evening. My phone rings and his handsome photo appears as it buzzes. Have I had a glass of wine yet? Probably. I don't remember. Everything went well, he'd give me a full, in person breakdown of events. He's hitting the pillow after meeting with eight people and leaving his phone in his future boss's office. His flight home is early in the morning.
He's exhausted. I feel exhausted for him.
Hashtag, more wine please.
He's happy. I can see that. He's excited, that's clear. Ever since the interview, there really is no sign of doubt in him. We figure we will hear back any day now. But no confirmation of when. It's the unknown that gnaws at us both. The holidays are approaching and we hope to have some sort of news to share. Still no word. Christmas comes and goes and we seem to be walking around with a big question mark above our heads.
It's the New Year, approximately the first week of January. The call finally comes. I can't hear anything, but I can tell. It's a yes, he has been offered the position. He hasn't yet accepted.
What's been wonderful and terrifying all at the same time, is that I have a say. I get to vote. Hasn't that always been the case? We are a team, we make these decisions together. The decision has to be what's right for all three of us. He's been very clear about that. A week later, Ben books our flight to Dallas, just the two of us. It's exciting because it's a trip without baby, but I'm filled with worry. No, not about the baby. I'm just agonizing over the fact that I have to be a part of making such a huge decision. It would almost be easier if he just said, "this is what we are doing." Nevertheless, I don't call him my prince charming for nothing. He's considerate and thoughtful. He's doing everything he can to make sure I feel ok and comfortable with this large, life changing event. As we touch down on the runway, I feel as if I may be having a completely out of body experience.
It's almost too much to handle.
I take his hand, knowing that whatever the unknown brings, I'm not alone.